The Fourteenth Banker Blog

August 2, 2010

The Last Export

Filed under: Running Commentary — thefourteenthbanker @ 4:06 PM

Several prominent leaders convened to address the problem of lost US jobs and the perfect solution, which is to restore exports to their ancient prominence in the American economy. Attending the meeting were President Barack Obama, Governor Jan Brewer, Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, Fed Chief Ben Bernanke, former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin, and head of Goldman Sachs, Lloyd Blankfein.

Discussion was held:

Obama: “As a nation we have a huge problem. Persistent joblessness, a faltering economy, and the endless war in Vietnam, Afghanistan are producing annoying headlines and threatening the agenda I promised to deliver when I was elected.”

Brewer: “Mr. President, I believe we should start with the Mexicans. They are only drug mules anyway. They make no meaningful contribution to society, they bring in drugs, drink our water, use our toilets instead of cleaning them, and generally are the lowest class of immigrant population we have had in the history of this nation. And then Mr. President, we should export our values. America is the land of the free and the home of the brave, and we should export that to the world. They would gladly pay us for it. Mr. President, would you support us in court?”

Obama: “Jane…”

Brewer: “It’s Jan”

Geithner: “Mr. President, I believe we should export the dollar. I can print these at almost zero cost. If we export enough dollars, the rest of the world would have enough money to travel to the US and support our tourism business. It would give a boost to the cheap Arizonian hotels that used to house Mexicans.”

Obama: “These are really great ideas. But I have an even better one.Let’s export guns. This is the one competitive manufacturing industry we have left. My supporters at Boeing, Raytheon and Northrup say they can sell guns out the whazoo.”

Palin: “It’s wazoo, Mr. President. I know that one.”

Brewer: “Perfect Mr. President! To spur demand we should export hate! With enough hate there will be endless demand for guns”.

Obama: “Genius Ms. Brewer! What a great meeting!”

Geithner: “Mr. President, I was not done! At the Treasury we also have a lot of gold, tons of it! I believe we should export our gold.”

Bernanke: “Timothy, you are on to something, but if you export the gold how will they pay for it. If they buy it with dollars, you will have immunized your dollar export program and prevented the necessary increases in the money supply. Let’s hoard the gold and instead we can export bonds. I have even more bonds than you have gold!

Blankfein: “I can help with that”

Geithner: “No you don’t! I have more gold!

Brewer: “I have a lot of xenophobia we can export. xenophobia helps with hate and that helps with guns!”

Palin: “You guys are on the wrong track. We should export oil. In my home state of Alaska we have more oil than you have bonds. All we have to do is drill for it and build a pipeline across the Bering Straights to Russia. You can see Russia from Alaska you know. As I said before, “Alaska has a very narrow maritime border between a foreign country, Russia, and, on our other side, the land-boundry that we have with Canada. It’s funny..”

Obama: “Sarah!

Palin: “our next-door neighbors are foreign countries..”

Blankfein: “We love foreign countries!”

Palin: “As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where do they go? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border. When he comes in we can just shove that oil pipeline us his bum and crank the spigot. Kill two birds with one stone, you know. I love to kill birds. And when we drill, we can kill moose too. I love to kill moose!”

Bernanke: “We just marked up our bonds. Now is the time to dump them. If we export the bonds, we won’t have to tell them about the Red Roof Inns we have in Arizona, they will just be lost in the pool of assets.”

Blankfein: “That’s how we do it.”

Obama: “So that settles it. Here is the battle plan. First we export xenophobia to prepare foreign nations for hate. Then we sprinkle on the hate and sell them guns. Geithner exports dollars for them to buy the guns. We use Blankenfein..”

Blankfein: “It’s Blankfein, sir”

Obama: Sorry Blankenfein Blankfein, we use Blankfein to dump the bonds but that is a side operation. The next big operation is the oil pipeline through Putin, er Alaska, WHATEVER! THE DAMN PIPELINE THROUGH RUSSIA! JESUS!

Brewer: What about the Mexicans, sir? You forgot the Mexicans!”

Obama: “We don’t need the Mexicans! Let me finish!… Where was I…oh wait.. I didn’t mean that…”

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3 Comments »

  1. Here’s another POV
    http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2010/07/27/american_people_obsolete/index.html

    ……… In every industrial democracy since the end of World War II, there has been a social contract between the few and the many. In return for receiving a disproportionate amount of the gains from economic growth in a capitalist economy, the rich paid a disproportionate percentage of the taxes needed for public goods and a safety net for the majority.

    In North America and Europe, the economic elite agreed to this bargain because they needed ordinary people as consumers and soldiers. Without mass consumption, the factories in which the rich invested would grind to a halt. Without universal conscription in the world wars, and selective conscription during the Cold War, the U.S. and its allies might have failed to defeat totalitarian empires that would have created a world order hostile to a market economy.

    Globalization has eliminated the first reason for the rich to continue supporting this bargain at the nation-state level, while the privatization of the military threatens the other rationale……..

    Sounds like what we’ve been talking about, doesn’t it?

    Comment by Sandi — August 3, 2010 @ 2:39 PM | Reply

  2. This pious story outline describes a very high degree of commonwealth collapse among component social groups that make up the American polity. As a student many years ago, I was struck by then seeming similarities between the the US and France during the Third Republic. Since then, the comparison to the Third Republic seems to be weak in terms of present US political and social degradation. Certainly, the excesses of the US Legislature and extreme political polarities in the US are of a naturally greater depth than was the case of the Third Republic. From its genesis in the collapse of the Second Empire on through the end collapse at Vichy in 1940. I use the term naturally greater depth because of the far greater diversity and size of the US compared to France. Politically and in terms of individual moral certainties , the US commonwealth groupings, have gone a few bridges too far to use the metaphor of the British General Browning to Montgomery during the planning of the failed Operation Market Garden. The national commonwealth components are at least as irremedially far apart as those of the French Third Republic on a vastly greater political scale. The scale is the problem. The big smell test that exposes these irremedial problems is the fact that the issues cannot be somewhat settled as was the case in the American Civil War. Even those issues are rearing their ugly head again with serious talk about nullification by the states. The Arizona immigration law issues of today are only a bare hint of the group dissonances. The Reconquista is a real fear among whites in particular in the border states.Belief is what matters to each group and these beliefs set ever harder in place among the different commonwealth groups.

    The end result of this hardening of belief is dissolution into groups more harmonious to each other as was the case in the fall of the USSR. The USSR is gone but the fifteen constituent republics all still exist, for the moment. Before the USSR collapse effects settle out, some of these republics will likely break down further into the tribal groupings from which they emerged. Others may stay intact.

    I see the breakdown problem in North America as far more acute, once fully underway, than was the case in the USSR . The French tribal groupings , by nature, tended to remain intact so France needed a couple of new constitutions with a shepard like DeGaulle to at least buy France time. Similarly, Russia itself seems well on the path to preserving it’s heartland arrangements. Russia has a natural strength in it’s unity from the past through autocracy and orthodoxy. Our, now illogically ingrained assumptions about the Demos work against us because the US obviously has quite a few separate Demos arrangements. We are not one nation, when push comes to shove, unless temporarily threatened from the outside.

    So, both Jared Diamond’s and Joseph Tainter’s ideas seem to be fusing. It is simply not worth the extra effort to preserve the present political , social and economic arrangements. It has been demonstrated that they do not work no matter how manny Reform Acts are passed. What could be more frightening? Caesar time in our future?

    Comment by Jerry J — August 3, 2010 @ 3:16 PM | Reply

  3. LOL!!!!

    Sandy, great link!

    Comment by Vocalbanker — August 3, 2010 @ 9:22 PM | Reply


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